I’ve been intending to read Willa Cather’s My Antonia for a few years, since my writer and historian friend, Bradley Birzer, raved about it. (You can read his brilliant take on Cather here.) It’s in the public domain, so I had no excuse and downloaded a free copy. And here I have to confess that I regret having waited so long to read it! From the opening sentence, I was captivated by Cather’s clear and succinct prose.
The Antonia of the title is a young Czech woman whom the narrator, Jim Burden, sees on a train heading out to Nebraska in the late 1800s, probably around 1880. Jim is ten years old, both his parents have died, and he is leaving his home in Virginia to live with his grandparents on their farm on the prairie. Antonia Shimerdas is fourteen, and she is traveling with her family – newly arrived to America – who hope to make a new life farming in the same vicinity as the Burden’s. Her family consists of her father, mother, older brother Ambrosch, and her little sister, Yulka. From the start, they are at a disadvantage, because they overpaid for a sod house and land that they hope to farm. Poor Mr. Shimerdas is out of his depth – he was a skilled weaver back in Eastern Europe, and he knows nothing about farming. Ambrosch is a haard worker, but mistrustful and a little devious. Mrs. Shimerdas is very proud and has an extremely difficult time adjusting to their new circumstances. For Antonia, however, life is a grand adventure. She and Jim immediately strike up a friendship, and she quickly picks up English. Her openness and sincere delight in everyone and everything around her are her best qualities.
As I read My Antonia, I was really struck by how important community was to prairie dwellers. During the first winter, a severe snowstorm hits, and Jim’s grandmother, Jim, and their indefatigable hired hand, Otto, brave the elements to bring some food and supplies to the Shimerdas. It’s no exaggeration to say this act of neighborly kindness saves Antonia’s family from starvation.
The prairie itself is a major character in the book. I loved Cather’s vivid descriptions of it in all seasons. Here’s one set in autumn:
All those fall afternoons were the same, but I never got used to them. As far as we could see, the miles of copper-red grass were drenched in sunlight that was stronger and fiercer than at any other time of the day. The blond cornfields were red and gold, the haystacks turned rosy and threw long shadows. The whole prairie was like the bush that burned with fire and was not consumed. (Location 488, Standard Ebooks Edition)
Each chapter is a self-contained vignette that adds up to a powerful and satisfying whole. Jim’s grandparents decide to rent their farm and move to the local town of Black Hawk, so Jim can attend school. Antonia doesn’t go to school, because Ambrosch insists she work on their farm, as well as hire herself out to other farms when they need an extra hand. She is very proud of her ability to do a man’s work, but she regrets not getting a good education.
Grandfather Burden gets Antonia a job keeping house for his neighbors in town, the Harlings, and Antonia thrives there. She helps with the children, the cooking, and the cleaning. She also falls in love with dancing under a big tent that is set up in the town square for that purpose. Jim also enjoys dancing with the girls and Antonia on the weekends. Their friendship deepens as they both grow older, but it never tips over into romance. It comes close, though!
Another important aspect of prairie life was faith. Here’s how the Burden’s celebrate one Christmas:
On Christmas morning, when I got down to the kitchen, the men were just coming in from their morning chores—the horses and pigs always had their breakfast before we did. Jake and Otto shouted “Merry Christmas!” to me, and winked at each other when they saw the waffle-irons on the stove. Grandfather came down, wearing a white shirt and his Sunday coat. Morning prayers were longer than usual. He read the chapters from St. Matthew about the birth of Christ, and as we listened, it all seemed like something that had happened lately, and near at hand. In his prayer he thanked the Lord for the first Christmas, and for all that it had meant to the world ever since. He gave thanks for our food and comfort, and prayed for the poor and destitute in great cities, where the struggle for life was harder than it was here with us. Grandfather’s prayers were often very interesting. He had the gift of simple and moving expression. Because he talked so little, his words had a peculiar force; they were not worn dull from constant use. His prayers reflected what he was thinking about at the time, and it was chiefly through them that we got to know his feelings and his views about things. (Location 951, Standard Ebooks Edition)
Life was very hard, yet for most people young Jim came into contact with, there was much joy. People had few possessions, yet they had rich lives. As the quote above makes clear, those living on the prairie considered themselves better off than city dwellers. They were responsible for their own entertainment; for example, Mrs. Harling and her daughters were accomplished pianists who loved to play for people. When a traveling troupe comes to town one summer to offer dancing lessons, all the families flock to them and make it a festive event. I would say the defining feeling of the time was optimism – in a relatively young America everyone had boundless hope and a belief that they could succeed.
In the final section of the book, Jim – who has gotten a law degree and moved to New York City – returns to Nebraska to see if he can find Antonia. He does, and he gives us this tender portrait of her in her middle age:
She was a battered woman now, not a lovely girl; but she still had that something which fires the imagination, could still stop one’s breath for a moment by a look or gesture that somehow revealed the meaning in common things. She had only to stand in the orchard, put her hand on a little crab tree and look up at the apples, to make you feel the goodness of planting and tending and harvesting at last. (Location 3684, Standard Ebooks Edition)
My Antonia is deservedly a classic of American literature. As Jim and his friends mature, so does the country, becoming less agricultural and more urban. The pace of life increases, and modernity begins to intrude. My Antonia is a paean to a bygone era of American life when life was fraught with peril, but also held out almost infinite promise. In our own day, it’s common for neighbors on the same street of a city to not know each other at all. In Antonia’s time, everyone knew everyone and felt some responsibility for each other’s welfare. At the close of the first quarter of the twenty-first century, we have so much in terms of material comfort, but we have lost much, as well.
Jerome K. Jerome’s first book, Three Men in a Boat, was published in 1889, and it is one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. Apparently, it began as a serious travelogue, and there are stretches of relatively boring descriptions of picturesque towns and villages along the Thames river. However, most of the book concerns the trials and tribulations of the narrator, “J”, his two friends, George and Harris, and a dog, Montmorency, as they take a two-week holiday on a small boat up the river.
I love British humor (P. G. Wodehouse is one of my all-time favorite authors), and I can’t believe I am just now discovering Jerome K. Jerome. He has a deadpan style of narration that heightens the absurdity of the situations he and his friends get themselves into. Throughout the book, Jerome drops small jibes that had me constantly chuckling:
We arranged to start on the following Saturday from Kingston. Harris and I would go down in the morning, and take the boat up to Chertsey, and George, who would not be able to get away from the City till the afternoon (George goes to sleep at a bank from ten to four each day, except Saturdays, when they wake him up and put him outside at two), would meet us there.
Jerome’s tale also offers a fascinating glimpse into the habits of vacationing Britishers in the Victorian era. Apparently, it was a common practice to rent a large rowboat, load it up with all kinds of provisions, and head up the Thames for days at a time. To propel the boat, they either sculled (rowed), or used a towline that was pulled by one or two people of the party along a towpath on the bank of the river. in Jerome’s time, steam launches were just coming into use, and he talks about how there was often conflict between the boaters who sculled or towed themselves, and the newfangled motorized boats.
Jerome also uses his narrative to go off on all kinds of tangents, retelling several hilarious stories of his friends’ lives. For example, he talks about a time one of his friends asked him to take home to London a couple of very ripe cheeses. Jerome brought them with him onto the train, and they smelled so awful that no one could stay in the same compartment with him:
From Crewe I had the compartment to myself, though the train was crowded. As we drew up at the different stations, the people, seeing my empty carriage, would rush for it. “Here y’ are, Maria; come along, plenty of room.” “All right, Tom; we’ll get in here,” they would shout. And they would run along, carrying heavy bags, and fight round the door to get in first. And one would open the door and mount the steps, and stagger back into the arms of the man behind him; and they would all come and have a sniff, and then droop off and squeeze into other carriages, or pay the difference and go first.
From Euston, I took the cheeses down to my friend’s house. When his wife came into the room she smelt round for an instant. Then she said:
“What is it? Tell me the worst.”
I said: “It’s cheeses. Tom bought them in Liverpool, and asked me to bring them up with me.”
And I added that I hoped she understood that it had nothing to do with me; and she said that she was sure of that, but that she would speak to Tom about it when he came back.
And here is an excerpt describing how entertaining Harris is at a dinner party. It’s rather long, but it’s so funny I had to include it in its entirety:
I will just give you an idea of Harris’s comic singing, and then you can judge of it for yourself.
Harris (standing up in front of piano and addressing the expectant mob): “I’m afraid it’s a very old thing, you know. I expect you all know it, you know. But it’s the only thing I know. It’s the Judge’s song out of Pinafore — no, I don’t mean Pinafore — I mean — you know what I mean — the other thing, you know. You must all join in the chorus, you know.”
[Murmurs of delight and anxiety to join in the chorus. Brilliant performance of prelude to the Judge’s song in “Trial by Jury” by nervous Pianist. Moment arrives for Harris to join in. Harris takes no notice of it. Nervous pianist commences prelude over again, and Harris, commencing singing at the same time, dashes off the first two lines of the First Lord’s song out of “Pinafore.” Nervous pianist tries to push on with prelude, gives it up, and tries to follow Harris with accompaniment to Judge’s song out “Trial by Jury,” finds that doesn’t answer, and tries to recollect what he is doing, and where he is, feels his mind giving way, and stops short.]
Harris (with kindly encouragement): “It’s all right. You’re doing it very well, indeed — go on.”
Nervous Pianist: “I’m afraid there’s a mistake somewhere. What are you singing?”
Harris (promptly): “Why the Judge’s song out of Trial by Jury. Don’t you know it?”
Some Friend of Harris’s (from the back of the room): “No, you’re not, you chuckle-head, you’re singing the Admiral’s song from Pinafore.”
[Long argument between Harris and Harris’s friend as to what Harris is really singing. Friend finally suggests that it doesn’t matter what Harris is singing so long as Harris gets on and sings it, and Harris, with an evident sense of injustice rankling inside him, requests pianist to begin again. Pianist, thereupon, starts prelude to the Admiral’s song, and Harris, seizing what he considers to be a favourable opening in the music, begins.]
Harris: “ ‘When I was young and called to the Bar.’ ”
[General roar of laughter, taken by Harris as a compliment. Pianist, thinking of his wife and family, gives up the unequal contest and retires; his place being taken by a stronger-nerved man.]
The New Pianist (cheerily): “Now then, old man, you start off, and I’ll follow. We won’t bother about any prelude.”
Harris (upon whom the explanation of matters has slowly dawned — laughing): “By Jove! I beg your pardon. Of course — I’ve been mixing up the two songs. It was Jenkins confused me, you know. Now then.
[Singing; his voice appearing to come from the cellar, and suggesting the first low warnings of an approaching earthquake.]
“ ‘ When I was young I served a term As office-boy to an attorney’s firm.’
(Aside to pianist): “It is too low, old man; we’ll have that over again, if you don’t mind.”
[Sings first two lines over again, in a high falsetto this time. Great surprise on the part of the audience. Nervous old lady near the fire begins to cry, and has to be led out.]
Harris (continuing): “ ‘ I swept the windows and I swept the door, And I—’ No — no, I cleaned the windows of the big front door. And I polished up the floor — no, dash it — I beg your pardon — funny thing, I can’t think of that line. And I — and I — Oh, well, we’ll get on to the chorus, and chance it (sings):
“ ‘ And I diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-de, Till now I am the ruler of the Queen’s navee.’
Now then, chorus — it is the last two lines repeated, you know.
General Chorus: “And he diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-dee’d, Till now he is the ruler of the Queen’s navee.”
And Harris never sees what an ass he is making of himself, and how he is annoying a lot of people who never did him any harm. He honestly imagines that he has given them a treat, and says he will sing another comic song after supper.
I can glean a few interesting facts about entertaining guests in a Victorian home from this passage: first, it seems to be common practice for guests to volunteer to perform at dinner parties; second, there was no shortage of people who were proficient piano players and familiar with the music of Gilbert and Sullivan; and third, people provided their own entertainment. The popularity of recorded music, then radio, and finally television put an end to that practice, which is a shame.
Jerome, Harris, George, and Montmorency have a generally pleasant and leisurely trip up the Thames, all the way to Oxford. Along the way, Jerome makes humorous observations of local cemeteries, pubs, inns, and other boaters. Montmorency, a fox terrier, tangles with other dogs and the tea kettle. There’s no plot whatsoever, and the intrepid voyagers eventually make it back to London in one piece. If you’re looking for something that is very funny and enjoyable, you couldn’t do much better than Three Men in a Boat. You can download a free digital version here.
Phineas Finn is the second Anthony Trollope novel I’ve read (you can read my review of Can You Forgive Her? here), and the second in his Palliser series. In this novel, our hero, Phineas Finn, is a good natured, very attractive, and upstanding young man who is the son of an Irish country doctor. His father has paid his expenses while he studies under Mr. Low, a London barrister (lawyer). While dining at his club, young Finn is approached by his friend, Barrington Erle, and convinced to run for a seat in parliament for the borough of Loughshane. It’s a dead certainty he will win it, since there will be no serious opposition. The only problem is that members of parliament (MPs) do not get paid, and Phineas is entirely dependent on his father for his expenses!
Despite his father’s and Mr. Low’s very good arguments against running, Phineas decides to do it, and before he knows it, he is seated in Parliament. His longsuffering father agrees to continue his allowance until he can somehow figure out a way to pay his own way. Soon, he is swimming in the high society of London, but he manages to keep his head and remain humble. He becomes friends with another Irish MP, Laurence Fitzgibbon, a glib and somewhat dissolute young man who wastes no time convinces Finn to guarantee a bill for 250 pounds, assuring him that he will have the money in a couple of weeks, and there is nothing to worry about.
He also is befriended by Lady Laura Standish, who takes Phineas under her wing, because she sees such promise in him. She is another character of Trollope’s who illustrates the frustrating position upper class women in Victorian England were in: she is smart and well educated, and she has good ideas about what legislation should be passed by Parliament, but there is no way she can bring them to fruition, given she has no vote, let alone no way to run for parliament. Phineas is convinced he’s in love with Lady Laura and proposes to her, but she turns him down, because he is penniless, and she has given all of her money to her brother, Lord Chiltern, so he can settle some enormous debts he’s acquired through questionable life choices.
Lord Chiltern is a bit of a wild man – he despises social conventions and proper manners, preferring to spend his time hunting and traveling around England and Europe. He is in love with the beautiful Violet Effingham, who stands to inherit a large fortune when she marries. He has proposed to her three times (not very tactfully, it must be said), and she has flatly refused him because of his poor reputation and erratic behavior. To make things worse, Chiltern’s father has had nothing to do with him since his sister squandered her share of the family fortune to settle his obligations.
Lady Laura convinces Phineas to befriend Chiltern, in the hopes that he will be a moderating influence on him. They become friends, until Phineas meets Violet and decides he wants to marry her! The good friends become deadly rivals.
As a backdrop to all of this drama, Trollope chronicles all of the political intrigue involved in the passage of the Reform Bill of 1866. The reader is shown in exhausting detail how parliament works, and, by and large, it’s not pretty. What is interesting is how Finn, as a tyro MP, gradually gains confidence. At first, he is too terrified to even stand up and make a speech. Eventually, he finds his legs, and he becomes a trusted member of the Liberal party, led by the Prime Minister William Mildmay. Finn’s greatest asset is his ability to keep his mouth shut when necessary and to make pleasant conversation with the right people. Very soon, he is elevated to a paying position in the cabinet. Regardless of his rapid rise in society, he remains a very likeable character, due to his total lack of vanity.
As the novel progresses, Trollope uses various characters to illustrate different issues that were present in Victorian England. Phineas is an ambitious, yet talented and altruistic, young man from whose presence parliament would benefit, yet it is nearly impossible from him to affect legislation, even when he is made a government minister. The crisis of the novel occurs when he has to decide whether he will support a bill that will help his fellow Irish but goes against the policy of the governing party, of which he is a member. If he votes according to his conscience, he will be required to submit his resignation and lose his salary.
Lady Laura is the most tragic figure. Moments before Phineas proposes to her, she accepts Robert Kennedy’s offer of marriage. He is another MP, and one of the richest men in the UK. She feels that through him, she might be able to influence English politics. Unfortunately, Mr. Kennedy is an insufferable prig who insists Laura submit herself to the proper duties of a wife and have no independence at all. Their marriage degenerates to the point where they can barely communicate.
“Laura”, he said, “I am sorry that I contradicted you.”
“I am quite used to it, Robert.”
“No; – you are not used to it.” She smiled and lowered her head. (ii, p. 109, Oxford Univ. Press Ed., 1991)
There is also a Madame Marie Goesler, a wealthy German widow, who moves in the highest circles of London society, but feels trapped by the fact that she can do nothing but attend parties and host them herself.
Phineas becomes very good friends with Joshua Monk, a “radical” MP who helps Phineas get his confidence during his first term in parliament. Mr. Monk, though, when he is offered and accepts a post in the government by the Liberals, loses his effectiveness as a debater, because he is forced to support the Liberals’ policies, even when he disagrees with them.
Trollope paints a fascinating and detailed picture of how politics worked in Victorian England. There was much frustration at the demands placed upon MPS to toe the party line, yet enforcing party discipline was the only way to get important legislation passed. Like today, opposing parties had to compromise, and everyone gave up something to get something in return. Near the end of the book, Monk’s and Finn’s bill to help Irish tenants fails on the second reading. Finn is dejected, but Monk makes this observation:
“Many who before regarded legislation on the subject as chimerical, will now fancy that it is only dangerous, or perhaps not more than difficult. And so in time it will come to be looked on as among the things possible, then among the things probable; – and so at last it will be ranged on the list of those few measures which the country requires as being absolutely needed. That is the way in which public opinion is made.” (ii, p. 341)
Like almost all Victorian novels, Phineas Finn is long – 712 pages in the edition I read. However, it is an interesting complement to Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield, another tale of a self-made young man. While Dickens was the master of chronicling the travails and triumphs of England’s lower and middle classes, Trollope gives us accurate portraits of what it was like to move in the highest social strata of Victorian society. He isn’t afraid to point out the contradictions and injustices of the governing class, yet all of his characters are real. Phineas Finn is amazingly successful at first, but he has his flaws. His fellow MPs all exhibit human foibles – they each have good qualities as well as lesser ones. However, it’s the female characters that are the most fleshed out by Trollope – he has sincere sympathy for the plight they are in. They have very limited choices: either marry or be an “old maid”, but in neither case can a woman be an active political force. And once a young woman marries, she has no rights to any property or personal agency. If a young woman is due to inherit wealth, there is no guarantee she will be allowed to use it to live independently. However, lest one think Phineas Finn is all angst and frustration, Trollope sprinkles a lot of humor to leaven the drama. At heart, he loves his country and its people.
There are lots of free digital versions of Phineas Finn (you can download a nicely formatted one here.), but I really appreciated my Oxford University Press edition, because it had lots of helpful notes that explained the political events that were occurring at the time the novel is set in, as well as the meanings of slang phrases, references to other literary works, etc. I’ve read two of the six Palliser novels, so I guess I’d better get ready to tackle Phineas Redux next!
Ever since I read Charles Dickens’ first novel, The Pickwick Papers, I have been a fan of Victorian literature. Anthony Trollope was a contemporary of Dickens, and an incredibly prolific writer. Can You Forgive Her? is the first novel in his Palliser series. It begins with the dilemma facing Alice Vavasor: “What should a woman do with her life?” For an upper-class woman in Victorian England, the options were limited to marrying or living with relatives the rest of your life.
Alice is engaged to a man everyone (including her) acknowledges is a perfect catch. John Grey has a substantial estate in Cambridgeshire, he is definitely in love with her, he is intelligent, handsome, and doting. Yet, Alice looks upon a future with him with apprehension – she only sees herself trapped in a boring country estate with no intellectual or social stimulation. As she explains to her aunt McLeod,
People always do seem to think it so terrible that a girl should have her own way in anything. She mustn’t like any one at first; and then, when she does like some one, she must marry him directly she’s bidden. I haven’t much of my own way at present; but you see, when I’m married I shan’t have it at all.
ANTHONY TROLLOPE. Can You Forgive Her? (Kindle Locations 564-566). Delphi Classics. Kindle Edition.
It doesn’t help that she previously was in love with her cousin, George Vavasor, who cheated on her. He fancies himself a bohemian who is above such mundane institutions as marriage, and he and his sister, Kate, waste no time convincing Alice to break off her engagement with Grey.
Alice convinces herself she is unworthy of being John Grey’s wife, but to her consternation, he refuses to accept her rejection of him and insists she is still betrothed to him. He isn’t ugly or forceful in any way, he is simply confident that, given time, she will come to her senses and return to him.
Kate Vavasor is also unmarried, and she has an extended visit with her aunt, Arabella Greenow. Mrs. Greenow has recently lost her fabulously wealthy older husband, and Trollope’s account of how she flirts with two men – the boring but well-off farmer Mr. Cheesacre and the dashing but penniless Mr. Bellfield – while observing the proper mourning rituals is hilarious.
Yet another cousin of Alice, Lady Glencora Palliser, invites Alice up to her estate to spend a few weeks. Lady Glencora is very rich, very young, and recently married to Plantagenet Palliser, a very dull man who greatest ambition is to be Chancellor of the Exchequer. She once loved a dissolute young man, Burgo Fitzgerald, but her family intervened and made her marry the much more suitable Palliser. He doesn’t give her much attention, and she is fairly miserable.
Burgo is friends with George Vavasor, and he hopes to elope with Glencora to Italy. George doesn’t encourage him to do this, but he doesn’t discourage him, either. George is basically amoral, and he pursues whatever path will give him the most pleasure. He breaks up Alice and John Grey’s engagement, because he gets a kick out of it, not because he is in love with Alice. So the stage is set for all kinds of social intrigue and shenanigans; in other words, a perfect setting for a Victorian novel!
This is the first novel by Trollope I’ve read, and I’m impressed. He is very different from Dickens, though. Where it was always clear from his works that Dickens had a heart for the poor and downtrodden in Victorian England, Trollope obviously moved in a higher social setting. He chronicles the issues and conflicts facing the British governing class in the mid-nineteenth century.
Can You Forgive Her? is primarily concerned with the limited options available to upper class women of that time. Alice is principled (to a fault) and wants to make a difference in English society. Her only option, since she can’t vote – let alone run for Parliament – is to ally herself to someone who can run for office. That is a major reason why she breaks off her engagement to John Grey; he is quite happy to live a quiet and prosperous life in Cambridgeshire, taking no interest at all in politics.
Lady Glencora is forced into a marriage with the up and coming Plantagenet Palliser, and even though it is her fortune that makes possible his political career, she has no interest. She is the most interesting character in the novel. She yearns to be free of stuffy Victorian conventions, and she delights in tweaking her poor husband’s sensibilities. She’s never in danger of getting into any scandal, but she is very funny whenever she decides to do what she wants.
More serious is George Vavasor. Initially, he is a somewhat sympathetic character, in that he wants his former love, Alice, to renew their relationship. He is very clever in the ways he manipulates her and his sister, Kate, to get what he wants. As the novel progresses, he becomes more and more trapped in a downward spiral of greed, deceit, and fury. By the end of the book, he is truly evil.
Plantagenet undergoes character growth in a positive way, learning how to be a good husband to Lady Glencora restoring proper perspective to his life. He and Cora will return in later Palliser novels, and I look forward to seeing their marriage mature.
Aunt Greenow also develops into a worthy character. At first, she is comical in her flirtations with Mr. Cheesacre and Captain Bellfield, but when her niece Kate needs her, she is there with excellent advice and moral support.
The main negative of the novel is the indecision of Alice when it comes to accepting John Grey’s standing offer to resume their engagement. She drags her feet for increasingly poor reasons, and it gets tiresome to read of her inner struggles when there really isn’t much reason for them. However, as a portrait of upper class Victorian England, Can You Forgive Her? is a detailed and fascinating glimpse into a long gone era. I will definitely read the next novel in the series, Phineas Finn.
Walking across the sitting-room, I turn the television off Sitting beside you, I look into your eyes As the sound of motorcars fades in the night time I swear I saw your face change, it didn’t seem quite right And it’s hello babe, with your guardian eyes so blue Hey my baby, don’t you know our love is true
Coming closer with our eyes, a distance falls around our bodies Out in the garden, the moon seems very bright Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly The seventh walks in front with a cross held high in hand And it’s hey babe your supper’s waiting for you Hey my baby, don’t you know our love is true?
I’ve been so far from here Far from your warm arms It’s good to feel you again It’s been a long long time Hasn’t it?
I know a farmer who looks after the farm With water clear, he cares for all his harvest I know a fireman who looks after the fire
You, can’t you see he’s fooled you all Yes, he’s here again Can’t you see he’s fooled you all? Share his peace, sign the lease He’s a supersonic scientist He’s the guaranteed eternal sanctuary man Look, look into my mouth he cries And all the children lost down many paths I bet my life you’ll walk inside Hand in hand Gland in gland With a spoonful of miracle He’s the guaranteed eternal sanctuary We will rock you, rock you little snake We will keep you snug and warm
Wearing feelings on our faces while our faces took a rest We walked across the fields to see the children of the West But we saw a host of dark skinned warriors standing still below the ground
Waiting for battle
The fight’s begun, they’ve been released Killing foe for peace, bang, bang, bang Bang, bang, bang And they’ve given me a wonderful potion ‘Cause I cannot contain my emotion And even though I’m feeling good Something tells me I’d better activate my prayer capsule
Today’s a day to celebrate, the foe have met their fate The order for rejoicing and dancing has come from our warlord
Wandering in the chaos the battle has left We climb up the mountain of human flesh To a plateau of green grass, and green trees full of life A young figure sits still by a pool He’s been stamped “Human Bacon” by some butchery tool He is you
Social Security took care of this lad We watch in reverence, as Narcissus is turned to a flower A flower?
If you go down to Willow Farm To look for butterflies, flutterbyes, gutterflies Open your eyes, it’s full of surprise Everyone lies like the fox on the rocks And the musical box Oh, there’s Mum and Dad, and good and bad And everyone’s happy to be here
There’s Winston Churchill dressed in drag He used to be a British flag, plastic bag, what a drag The frog was a prince The prince was a brick, the brick was an egg, the egg was a bird (Fly away you sweet little thing, they’re hard on your tail) Hadn’t you heard? (they’re going to change you into a human being!) Yes, we’re happy as fish and gorgeous as geese And wonderfully clean in the morning
We’ve got everything, we’re growing everything We’ve got some in, we’ve got some out We’ve got some wild things floating about Everyone, we’re changing everyone You name them all, we’ve had them here And the real stars are still to appear (All change!)
Feel your body melt Mum to mud to mad to dad Dad diddley office, Dad diddley office You’re all full of ball Dad to dam to dumb to mum Mum diddley washing, Mum diddley washing You’re all full of ball
Let me hear your lies, we’re living this up to the eyes Ooh, aah, na-na-na Momma I want you now
And as you listen to my voice To look for hidden doors, tidy floors, more applause You’ve been here all the time Like it or not, like what you got You’re under the soil (the soil, the soil) Yes, deep in the soil (the soil, the soil, the soil!) So we’ll end with a whistle and end with a bang And all of us fit in our places
With the guards of Magog, swarming around The Pied Piper takes his children underground Dragons coming out of the sea Shimmering silver head of wisdom looking at me He brings down the fire from the skies You can tell he’s doing well by the look in human eyes Better not compromise, it won’t be easy
666 is no longer alone He’s getting out the marrow in your backbone And the seven trumpets blowing sweet rock and roll Gonna blow right down inside your soul Pythagoras with the looking glass reflects the full moon In blood, he’s writing the lyrics of a brand-new tune
And it’s hey babe, with your guardian eyes so blue Hey my baby, don’t you know our love is true? I’ve been so far from here, far from your loving arms Now I’m back again And babe, it’s gonna work out fine
Can’t you feel our souls ignite? Shedding ever-changing colours In the darkness of the fading night Like the river joins the ocean As the germ in a seed grows We have finally been freed to get back home
There’s an angel standing in the sun And he’s crying with a loud voice “This is the supper of the mighty one” Lord of Lords, King of Kings Has returned to lead his children home To take them to the new Jerusalem
Andrew Klavan is one of my favorite writers and thinkers. He has written many mysteries, thrillers, and some very good nonfiction, as well as producing a weekly podcast on politics and culture. A Woman Underground is the fourth book in his Cameron Winter series, which just gets better and better with each installment.
Winter is a wonderfully deep and complex character – a professor of Romantic literature at a small midwestern college, he was an especially deadly counterintelligence assassin for some very dark and secret missions earlier in his life. Every novel in the series has flashbacks to Winter’s career as a deadly assassin, as he relates them to his therapist – a kindly, older woman who is very much attracted to him. Winter is incapable of maintaining any kind of relationship, because his parents, wealthy New Yorkers, had neither the time nor the inclination to care for him.
His nanny was a refugee from East Germany, and he never got over his childhood crush of her niece, Charlotte Shaefer. His unrequited love has served as an excuse to avoid any intimacy in his adult life. He is a deeply troubled man with a code of honor he tries to live by, even though he is not at all religious. Think of a Raymond Chandler character dropped into the 21st century.
A Woman Underground begins with Part 1: The Scent of Something Gone, Winter realizes that Charlotte may be trying to get in touch with him. One evening he comes home to his apartment and smells the lingering scent of her perfume in the hall. The next morning, he studies the building’s security video, and he sees a bundled up woman carrying a book. The book turns out to be a novel that is popular with right-wing extremists, and it features a heroine who is too similar to Charlotte to be a coincidence. Winter quickly tracks down the author. To avoid any spoilers, I won’t reveal any more details!
Klavan does a masterful job of balancing four(!) separate stories while keeping the reader glued to the page. First, there is the main plotline of Winter tracking down Charlotte. Then, there is a plotline involving an old mission Winter was assigned to bring back an agent who had disappeared in Turkey. When Winter is in therapy, he keeps returning to this story, even though his therapist knows he’s doing it to avoid facing what’s really causing his psychological distress. Third, there’s the plotline of the novel Charlotte was carrying when she tried to see Winter. In it, a small group of right-wingers try to decide what to do during the riots that caused so unrest and destruction in the summer of 2020. Cameron is reading this novel to try to pick up clues as to where Charlotte might be. The fourth subplot is some sexual shenanigans Winter’s colleague at the college gets himself into. Believe it or not, all four of these stories slowly come together into one.
A Woman Underground is a pivotal chapter in Cameron Winter’s development. Several things that had stunted his emotional and psychological maturity are dealt with and resolved. The path to that resolution, however, is a harrowing one. As Klavan describes him, he spends most of the book on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It is only through his therapist’s insightful and compassionate work that he is able to come out whole. By the end, it’s clear that Winter has emerged battered, but stronger and more resilient. I can’t wait to see what Andrew Klavan has in store for him. Bubbling under the surface of the various subplots is a potential global conspiracy that involves extremely powerful Americans who have been compromised. It’s enough to turn the most level-headed person into a paranoid lunatic, and the people Winter can completely trust are down to very few. Things are getting very interesting in Cameron Winter’s life!
MUNRO: I have known Ruben for almost thirty years and have corresponded with him on and off for all those years. I have always respected him and I think he respects me too even though I have been controversial or unpopular in certain quarters at times.
In my remarks at Fresno State, I shared with students 25 “nuggets” of personal advice and wisdom.
learned these things the hard way from 35 years of knocking around in — and being knocked around by — a splendid yet difficult self-made career in media, journalism and storytelling.
1)- Follow your passion
MUNRO: Every person must find where his or her talent lies so they can develop expertise and also develop his or her talents. It is sad when people never find out what they TRULY LIKE and WHAT THEY ARE TRULY GOOD AT.
2) Be curious
MUNRO Albert Einstein wrote: “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day.
—”Old Man’s Advice to Youth: ‘Never Lose a Holy Curiosity.'” LIFE Magazine (2 May 1955) p. 64”
3) Find mentors
MUNRO: “Your goal […] is to be less a product of the times and to gain the ability to transform your relationship to your generation. A key way of doing this is through active associations with people of different generations. If you are younger, you try to interact more with those of older generations. Some of them, who seem to have a spirit you can identify with, you can try to cultivate as mentors and role models. Others you relate to as you would your peers- not feeling superior or inferior but paying deep attention to their values, ideas, and perspectives, helping to widen your own.” ―Robert Greene THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE
4) Take risks
MUNRO You have to take risks but they should not be wild chances. And you should never put the financial security and stability of your family at risk. It is why it is easier and better to take chances and travel when you are young and single. In my youth, I served in the Marines, lived and worked abroad, worked in construction. I still took risks when I was married and with children but measured risks. I always maintained health insurance for my family had savings and credit available. I had one car and it was free and clear.
5) Live in other states
MUNRO: I went to school in New York and New Jersey (Seton Hall college and NYU). With the American Military College, four summers with the University of Northern Iowa (in Spain), and Seattle University (5th Year Teaching Certificate k-12 plus credential in English, Social Studies and Spanish.
I served in the Marine Reserves in New Jersey, Virginia, Spain, Italy, Greece. Earned Bilingual Certificate of Competence. Graded AP Spanish exams for 14 summers as an adjunct professor in Cincinnati and San Antonio (Texas). Studied and worked one year at the University of Virginia while on sabbatical. Mentored young teachers and helped them find placements.
5) Travel more in the U.S. & throughout the world
MUNRO: I have traveled to 47 states and Puerto Rico (never been to Idaho, Alaska or Hawaii) plus many countries in Latin America and Europe. I lived for a while in Portugal, Spain and Ireland.
6) Harness “people power” by building relationships
MUNRO NETWORKING. Networking is very important and I struggled with this because I came from a first-generation family -my father was the only one in his family to go to college and have a professional career and we were somewhat alienated from our American neighbors and community. I had no real connections or “palanca” as the Spanish say. My father was disabled by a stroke when he was 63 and I felt I had to make my own way in the world -which I did. I paid my own way through graduate school and bought my first house (a condominium in Kirkland, Washington). But it took me ten years to get my teacher’s credential and thirteen to get my MA.
Through hard work and struggle I finally made some contacts via ETS (AP), Ron Unz , Linda Chavez, ED Hirsch,jr, Diane Ravitch, Jaime Escalante, Rosalie Pedalino Porter. Letters of recommendation from administrators and Mentor teachers plus some of these well-known educators and authors helped get me a Fellowship at UVA. Later I had a chance to research and edit books for authors such as ANDREW ROBERTS (Walking with Destiny a biography of Churchill) Through Andrew Roberts and the GILBERT HIGHET SOCIETY I have met many authors , journalists and teachers and have corresponded with them (Such as Victor Davis Hanson), Having contacts is very important. Churchill was a master at this and so is Andrew Roberts.
I founded the AP program at my high school in SPANISH, AP US HISTORY and AP US GOVERNMENT. in the beginning years we funded all the books and exam fees by selling chocolates. They said our kids (Arvin High) couldn’t do it and that it couldn’t be done but we did it.
I helped my high school win awards via the We the People program. I published some one act plays and articles in magazines and newspapers. Then I leveraged this into a job and fellowship at the University of Virginia. This helped me max out my credits but proved a dead end because many of the professors were hostile -actually hated E D Hirsch (though he had been at UVA but via the ENGLISH DEPARTMENT not the Curry School of Education).
I found many of the professors to be anti-Catholic and deeply biased. So it was not entirely a happy experience and I was away from my family for almost a year. Fortuately I spent Thanksgiving and Easter with a Scottish cousin in Maryland and also took time out to visit Scottish friends in Scotland (who still write to me!)
In a year I did not make one friend or any useful connection and was glad to go when my time was up.
My advisor said, “You are stuck with me and if it had been up to me you wouldn’t be here.” I did not even see her the last six months I was at the school. She would not admit me to her classes. I was personal non grata chiefly because of my military background and supposed political stance.
“But now let’s talk about your network, which is made up of the people you know–family, friends, acquaintances, current and former coworkers, teachers, and neighbors–and the people they know. These people may be able to help you get informational interviews. And they might even be able to get your resume on the right person’s desk. If, when I refer to networks, you feel, Lady, I don’t have one, I want you to visualize the person who comes to mind when I say, Who cared about you? You can begin to build your network by simply checking back in with this person. Tell them what you’re up to and ask how they’re doing, too. Share your thoughts about where you might be headed in life. Get their feedback and advice. And with all respect due, ask if they’d be willing to help with whatever your next step might be. Their help could be as simple as just telling you that they believe in you so that you can believe in yourself too, or being listed as a reference, or writing you a letter of support. If your life has been such that you do not have much of a network, I want you to recognize that you may actually have different strengths, like the wherewithal to hustle and make good use of whatever resources you can find.” ―Julie Lythcott-Haims, YOUR TURN HOW TO BE AN ADULT.
7) Learn to tell your own story
MUNRO We all have experiences and stories and we should pass on some this experience to our friends and family and if we are able to a wider community. I gained a lot of experience working with English for the Children but also I made a lot of permanent enemies in my district particularly among Union leaders. The main reason is I opposed the Educational Establishment and openly opposed the Union on the issue of bilingual education reform. I was assailed as a “White Supremacist”, “English-only racist”and “anti-immigrant.” They hated the fact I taught Spanish and recruited along with Jaime Escalante Spanish-speaking students and parents to support our campaign. The hated the fact that I opposed the Union position (considered disloyal). They said over and over I spoke for myself as an individual and not for the Union or the School District. Most teachers and administrators were afraid to support me publicly. My wife and I were principal writers and translators for the English for the Children Campaign and I wrote and recorded ads in Spanish and English with Sherrie Annis (wife of Howard Kurz). We interpreted for immigrant families. We contributed out time and effort without any remuneration. Yet the Union paid big bucks to Stephen Krashen (whom I met and debated). Krashen was surprised that I knew his work and respected it and that I had not political ambitions for myself. He was surprised that I sincerely only cared about students. Unlike Union leaders he was not nasty or hostile to me and invited me to have a coffee and a chat with him (which I did). The president of Cal State Bakersfield walked out in a public forum with other professors as he didn’t want to listen to or encourage a “Right Wing Nativist Extremist like me”. Of course, I am not anti-immigrant. I am a political moderate. I am not an extremist. My chief motivation was to promote standards and academic integrity for students. My parents were immigrants, my wife is an immigrant, my son-in-law is an immigrant my daughter-in-law is an immigrant. My wife and I sponsored an immigrant family -all US residents and citizens today. We did not want to see that family separated and the educational opportunities of the son limited. Other people talk but we acted IMMEDIATELY to protect a family and guarantee no family members would be arrested and deported. The son went to college and became a minister. I am not against VOLUNTARY DUAL IMMERSION or bilingual education. I had a big argument with some of Ron Unz’s supporters. I said if you don’t have waivers for parents to keep their children in bilingual programs they want I and most teachers could never support prop 227. So we continued with Dual Immersion bilingual education in 1998 and we still have it today. Nothing changed at my daughter’s school SHERMAN ACADEMY in San Diego except that for a number of years parents needed to sign a form once a year. They no longer have to sign a waiver which is fine with me. I just believed in high standards and absent qualified dual immersion/bilingual teachers districts should offer sheltered English immersion as an alternative to bilingual programs that didn’t really exist. And of course, all of my grandchildren are Mexican-American and go to bilingual dual immersion schools. I haven’t a nativist bone in my body. But to this day there are Union activists for whom I am, to put it mildly a persona non grata. People like that walk past me and don’t even respond to me. But when you stand up for something you are going to pay a price. I have no regrets. I think I helped kids. I never did anything in education that harmed kids.
8) Ask others to tell you their stories, and soak them up
MUNRO:
You can’t learn everything from books or from your own experience. It is important to get others to share their stories and experiences. Recently a teacher told me the problems he was having in his school district with his department chair and local administrators. I told him to cool it. To keep his head down and not challenge the establishment. It is best in such an unequal struggle to beat a strategic retreat. I encouraged him to apply to another district and vote with his feet which is what he did. And I said know there are some battles you cannot win.
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9) REIN IN YOUR EGO, BE HUMBLE
MUNRO You have to have humility because NOT ALL CAN BE KNOWN and we are sometimes WRONG. We shouldn’t be ashamed to admit we made mistakes because that is another way of saying we may be sadder and may have experienced defeats and disappointments but that we are a little wiser today than we were yesterday.
10) Build your resilience
MUNRO Yes, you have to “roll with punches” as my old mother used to say. Many a good horseman has fallen off and gotten back on again. As Burns sang “ But Man is a soger (soldier), and Life is a faught (battle; fight).
11) Persevere, get up off the mat when you get flattened
MUNRO There are few reputations more storied and none more deserving than that of Marine Corps Recruit Training. The difficulties of Marine Corps boot camp are legendary. It is not enough to simply endure, you must prevail as an individual and as a unit. You learn teamwork. Pulling together to prevent all from falling apart. Tapping into the purpose that brought you here, to serve the Marine Corps and for the Nation you fight for.
I always was motivated to defend and protect my family, my church, my students my community and my nation. Nobody had to pay me to tutor kids on Saturdays or after school. That’s why students are and were loyal to me because I was not motivated except by love friendship and civic virtue. I am proud of my certifications and university degrees but proudest of having served in the Marine and earned an honorable discharge as a “peace time ice-cream Marine.” I neve claimed I was a hero but I did serve honorably with heroes. My Marine experience made me tougher, more punctual, and able to work 16-hour days seven days a week when necessary unloading rail cars, and digging ditches to help build homes and apartments. Of course, learning self-defense came in handy on a few occasions. Once I saw a big brute beating a student and pounding him against a concrete wall. I only said, “Hey, what’s going on?” And the brute assaulted me and tried to choke me and knock me down. I broken his hold, knocked him down and put him in a full-nelson. He yelled and threatened to cut me with his knife. I told him calmly “Try it and I will break your neck in self defense. Maybe I have killed men before. Think about that. I learned this hold at Marine Corps OCS in Quantico. “ He settled down until the police came. What bugged me the most was no one wanted to admit they were witnesses to what happened even the victim. Why? Because the brute was a drug dealer collecting money and had a reputation for viciousness and brutality. But one thing I learned in the Marines is we all have one powerful weapon and that is our life and if we are prepared to sacrifice it we can save others and maybe ourselves.
12) Seek out different takes on issues from family & friends.
MUNRO We had a lot of disagreements in our family with prop 208 (traditional marriage) and abortion (my wife and I believe in parental consent and notification for minors). Our basic sympathies are pro-life and pro-family but we can peacefully coexist with fewer restrictions on abortion or somewhat stricter restrictions. But others are strongly ProChoice. But we don’t favor outlawing or criminalizing abortions. So I really believe we are Pro-Choice and Prolife We believe most abortions should be legal but that they should also be rare because abortion is not to be used for birth control, To us miscarriages and abortions are tragedies. Also we can peacefully coexist with Gay Marriage (all civil marriages are equal under the law) But we have an array of opinions in our family.
I believe your have to inform yourself via a variety of sources so I read our local paper and subscribe to WSJ plus via podcasts or the internet read or hear, the London Times, the Daily Telegraph, the Washington Post, and the New York Times, Reader’s Digest and Commentary magazine. I discuss issues of the day with family and friends. I know we don’t always agree. Many are dead set against RFK jr even being on the ballot but I feel trying to keep Trump off the ballot or blocking RFK Jr from being on the ballot is undemocratic and a mistake. I remember Eugene McCarthy was kicked off the ballot of a technicality in New York State in 1976; in New Jersey, he was on the ballot and Ford won that state by a narrow margin. So there is no question a 3rd Party could tip an election one way or another. I don’t know if I would vote for RFK Jr (I admit I loved his father and uncle) but I support his right to be on the ballot. If you don’t like him don’t vote for him. I tolerated Trump but did not vote for him and I tolerate Biden (but think he is too old for the job). Personally, I wish both candidates would go away. It is a relief to know that in 2028 neither one will be on the ballot.
13) Stay ambitious, but also be content with what you have
MUNRO:
This is the virtue of moderation. We need bread but we do not live by bread alone. We need shelter and transportation but we do not need great luxuries. Burns also sang “Contented wi’ little, and cantie wi’ mair (singingly cheerful with more),
14) Always do what scares you most
MUNRO We are always scared at times but we must live each day with courage
15) Talk to strangers
MUNRO Yes, you never know what they might know or where they came from. Unless they are threatening be polite and friendly especially to young people.
16) Listen, listen, listen
MUNRO “There is an old saying God gave man two ears and one mouth meaning we should listen more than we talk a lot more.
17) Consider the possibility that you’re wrong
MUNRO Yes, by their fruits they shall be known but there is much mystery in the world and many paths. It’s possible that smartphone use in classrooms, APEX classes, ZOOM classes and AI will make educational standards higher than ever. But I am skeptical. I believe in index cards, oral testing, note taking, cursive essays. At the very least there should be alternative ways of learning and testing.
18) Be willing and ready to change your position
MUNRO Yes, we have to adapt and make peace with the world and new technologies Somethings can’t be cured and so must be endured. But I am glad I am not young anymore. But I will admit some things I won’t change very easily. My love of America. My love for the Marine Corps. My love for the Dodgers and baseball. My great affection and loyalty to the Roman Catholic church in which I was baptism and married. But political parties? Be damned. They are at best a necessary evil and often are evil and corrupt.
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-19) – Get all the education you can, early on in life
MUNRO:
NEVER STOP LEARNING and READING and LISTENING TO OTHERS WISER AND MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE THAN YOU. “The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.” ―T.H. White, The Once and Future King
“If we are to use the words ‘childish’ and ‘infantile’ as terms of disapproval, we must make sure that they refer only to those characteristics of childhood which we become better and happier by outgrowing. Who in his sense would not keep, if he could, that tireless curiosity, that intensity of imagination, that facility of suspending disbelief, that unspoiled appetite, that readiness to wonder, to pity, and to admire?” ―C.S. Lewis, An experiment in Criticism.
“Books were her refuge. Having set herself to learn the Russian language, she read every Russian book she could find. But French was the language she preferred, and she read French books indiscriminately, picking up whatever her ladies-in-waiting happened to be reading. She always kept a book in her room and carried another in her pocket.” ―Robert K. Massie, Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman
“Whereas Taft discouraged the young Yale student from extracurricular reading, fearful it would detract from required courses, Roosevelt read widely yet managed to stand near the top of his class. The breath of his numerous interests allowed him to draw on knowledge across various disciplines, from zoology in philosophy and religion, from poetry and drama to history and politics.” ― Doris Kearns Goodwin, THE BULLY PULPIT
20) Be grateful for all you have, and the people in your life.
MUNRO Gratitude is a high virtue. As Yeats wrote “No man has ever lived that had enough Of Children’s gratitude or woman’s love.”
The most difficult part of life is gaining wisdom and a sense of gratitude for all we do have and for the time of good health we do have. The most difficult thing about life is that we have to, sooner or later, say goodbye to those whom we love. Either they will leave us or we will leave them. We should love each other and appreciate each other NOW, this hour, this day, this week, this month this year.
My mother and father died at the beginning of the 20th century now long ago! I am very grateful for my wife, my family, my grandchildren. I am grateful for the many students many thousands by now-I have had over 34 years of classroom teaching. I am grateful to those who have become teachers themselves or other service professions such as nursing, medicine, law enforcement or military service. This includes my daughter and my son who are both Spanish and dual immersion teachers. The highest-ranking NCO in the Air Force was my former student and four years on the Varsity Soccer team. We are still friends.
We should thank some people for merely living at the same time as we do. I am thankful for my parents and grandparents it was a miracle they survived 1914-1945. I am grateful for the fact I met my Spanish teacher and that he introduced me to Spanish culture and language and to my Spanish wife and her family. I will remember him for all my life -and he was an immigrant and an exile and a great and good man.
21) Choose carefully who you marry, what you do, where you do it
MUNRO This second part is good sense and moderation. The first part needs more commentary and explanation.
Frank Delaney, the Irish novelist wrote: “Marriage is very important. Marrying a girl is the most important thing a man can do. Never mind business or politics or sport or any of that, there’s nothing so vital to the world as a man marrying a woman. That’s where we get our children from, that’s how the human race goes forward. And if it’s too late for children, there’s the companionship of a safe and trusted person.”
AGREE this is a topic I have thought about and written about on a number of occasions. When I taught Economics in high school I always point out that merely on an economic basis the person whom we marry will have a great influence not only on our happiness and health but our economic future.
There are at least six reasons NOT TO MARRY (a gentleman thinks of such things for himself , his charges and his friends).
#1 Don’t marry someone you don’t really know. If you are pressured to rush to the altar as my Uncle Norman was you have to ask yourself. “What is the reason for the rush?” If he or she truly cares they will give you time to be sure.
#2 Don’t ever marry someone you don’t like or have anything in common with BESIDES sex and physical attraction. Everyone I have ever known married someone with whom he or she felt a strong sexual attraction. I could be wrong but this is the easiest part of a relationship. Speaking as a man, most women 16 to 60 are sexually attractive at some point in their lives. Once again, speaking from personal experience, most women hit their peak attractiveness from age 25 to about 42. Most women, just like most men, unless they work very hard at it, start to lose the battle of the bulge in their 40’s. Once again, perhaps it is just me, but this is not necessarily a bad thing. If I compare the looks of my friend’s wives who are excessively thin they seem more pinched, more wrinkled and less attractive with each passing year. Other women, with a more matronly look, remain very pleasant to be with and to look at.
Some women are astonishingly beautiful for a short period of time and others have a high lifetime batting average and remain attractive for a longer period of time. There is such a thing as growing old gracefully. The bottom line is if you can’t respect the behavior, habits and values of your potential mate, rethink the situation. What will it be like with this person once the haze of romantic love fades? Could you love your wife (once again, speaking as a man) if she lost her size 6 figure? Let’s face it multiple pregnancies and the years usually wreak havoc with a woman’s figure. And time does not remain still for any of us in any case.
It is a mistake to marry for beauty alone, a very big mistake. #3 If the people around you who know you well and love you –your parents, siblings, close relatives, teachers, and wise friends- are counseling you against marriage to a certain person, you must pause. Although they don’t know your potential spouse as well as you do, they are not as emotionally mixed up as you are by the strong sexual attraction or romantic feeling you have for that other person. This is particularly true if the couple is sexually active (which I counsel against but I am a realist). Nothing fools you that you have to have your spouse like an active sex life before marriage. I wonder what purpose a honeymoon serves for people like that? And why even wear white? But if people around you are expressing doubts you should at least give yourself some time to think about what you are doing.
Imagine, for example, if your spouse had no money, lost all of his or her teeth and gained 100 pounds. My father always said to me that I should look at the mother of the potential bride because it was a reasonable indication of what the daughter would look like in 25 or 30 years with 25, 30 or 50 additional pounds. I would add another proviso too.
I don’t think it is important to marry for money and position. I think marrying for personal happiness and family reasons are the most important. But that having been said there is something one should always consider. It is one thing to marry someone who has next to no money but it is another to marry someone with extravagant tastes and $50,000 in debt!!!! Most marriages fall apart for two basic reasons: lack of sexual compatibility and financial distress.
#4 building upon that last point. Never marry anyone in whom there are signs of unstable behavior. If your beloved needs to be drunk or high to have a good time, I think it is a serious cause to worry. If he or she can never hold down any kind of job at all in the last few years find out why. Can’t he or she get along with the boss or with coworkers.. Is the discipline of work too much for him or her? Once again, I have never been a great success in life but I have always worked. I worked my way up from being an ex-soldier, a laborer in construction and unloading rail cars to sales, to being a bank employee, then finally a Community College instructor and high school teacher. No one has ever asked me for my resume or offered me a job but I have always been respected as someone who was a hard worker, honest and loyal and have so always been gainfully employed in my life.
#5 And lastly to reiterate a point mentioned before if your primary drive for getting married is an overpowering urge to have –or continue to have –sex with this person, STOP. Sex is important for a good marriage but sex is NOT love.
It is absurd to overvalue physical love. Speaking as a man, men are beasts and I think it is true to say, that in the dark, as has been said, women are all the same if that’s all you want from a woman. But once again that is not love. Real love is sharing laughter, sharing experience, sharing children, sharing affection, trust. Physical love (eros) can provide the spark and the glue for the beginning of a relationship but it cannot provide the substance. Being in love and having love in a marriage is something other and something more than being sexually aroused. Not all desire is love though it may always be lust. The desire for a woman period might just be lust but the desire for a specific woman is another. Some people say this is love too but I do not ; love that is merely transitory and sexual is not love merely as Anthony Burgess called it in A Clockwork Orange, “the old in and out”.
I have seen many successful marriages between mature males (25 or so )with young women as young as 18 or 19. I believe that male and female should be about the same age though there is nothing wrong with a woman being slightly older (my wife was 27 when we married and I was 26).
#6 Never get married because you feel you have to or everyone else is getting married. It is chivalrous to treat your date with respect. It is foolishness to marry someone because OOPS she says she is pregnant. I have known friends who married their pregnant girlfriends but did not know if they were the father. That is no way to start a marriage. Once again fidelity and trust are the basis of any good relationship.
22) Don’t waste time, value it; it’ll run out, just watch
MUNRO TRUE we are all mortal. Treasure time because time is fleeting. “Swiftly flow the years!”
23) Listen for the knock at the door, the next opportunity
MUNRO YES THIS IS TRUE especially when one is younger though at my age my chief preoccupation is to spend time with my family, especially my grandchildren. I don’t want to travel anywhere really except to see my family. I have seen much of the world. At my age I just read what I want say what I want study what I want write what I want. I am not eager to influence people or make a lot more money.
24) Read and listen to different points of view in the media
MUNRO VERY TRUE and I made comments on this earlier.
25) a bad list, eh? But what would you add? Name one thing.
MUNRO ONE THING I would add:
TAKE CARE OF CREDENTIALS AND DOCUMENTATION.
I have a passport and a passport card (and birth certificate)
I have a baptismal certificate and a marriage certificate
I have my honorable discharge from the Marines.
I have my driver’s license
I have copies of my diplomas and transcripts
I have a copy of my teaching credential.
I have life insurance and my house is in a living trust
My daughter has passwords to my media accounts and social media.
I have a last will and testament
I have made a basic inventory of my personal property for my children to help them dispose of it when I am part of Yesterday’s Seven Thousand Years. I have small bit of cash on hand in a special place.
Most have sentimental value only photos, letters but other things have some small monetary value (books, autographed baseballs, coins, original artworks, museum ) replicas) My mother’s upright piano.
Named for St. Cecilia, patroness of music and the arts, this blog, Spirit of Cecilia, highlights music, art, poetry, fiction, history, biography, and film. These fields of enjoyment and expression are creative and interactive, requiring both a transmitter and a recipient to achieve their fullest potential and profoundest effects.
It’s my hope that these fields, which we might usefully and with slight reservation label the humanities, can accomplish far more than partisan politics to expand the frontiers of knowledge and deepen our understanding of ourselves as human beings created by an awesome God. Anger is not a constructive starting point for connecting with strangers or political opponents if the goal is mutual understanding. Hard logic puts strangers and political opponents on the defensive, causing them to question the logician’s motives and work through whatever problems and challenges the logician has presented. But aesthetics: they provide pleasure and the kind of sensory experience in which people of diverse backgrounds and beliefs share and delight. This is not a grand claim about the universality of standards of beauty but rather a plain statement about the obvious draw of humans to phenomena that stir in them strange and wonderful emotions, that cause them to think about the timeless questions that the greatest minds over the centuries have contemplated with differing degrees of gravity and intensity. The fact that we have music, art, poetry, fiction, history, biography, and film at all suggests a certain commonality among human likes and desires across places and cultures.
I am an administrator in a law school, a recovering lawyer you might say, who happens to have earned a doctorate in English. I am grateful to Dr. Bradley Birzer for including me as a contributor to the Spirit of Cecilia and have high hopes for what it can achieve. Life is difficult for everyone at some time or another. Wouldn’t it be great if this site were a forum where friendships are built, ideas are exchanged civilly and in good faith, and a profound awareness of our shared humanity served as the predicate for our interpretations and communications? I look forward to writing in this space. May it flourish.
Spirit of Cecilia 
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